Around here and elsewhere, newspapers once did a brisk business in personal ads. In fact, back in the early days of the Independent, there were times when the personal ads in the classifieds were the most entertaining part of the paper.
Personals have all but vanished from newspaper classified ad sections having, no doubt, migrated to places like craigslist, plentyoffish.com and match.com.
However, I've found one print publication where personal ads appear to be thriving. The publication? The Yale Alumni Magazine.
What am I doing reading the Yale Alumni magazine you ask? Let me be very clear. I didn't graduate from Yale, nor did I attend school there. I only stayed at a hotel recently that was located near campus which had the latest copy of the alumni mag in my room. I grabbed the issue to read on my train ride back to New York City from New Haven.
In the back of the mag that has articles on the father of modern neurosurgery, and a law school grad's confession of how he stole a Yale chair, there's a classifieds section which includes a personals heading with no less than a half-dozen ads, all from women seeking men.
Given the way the women describe themselves, ("Radiant Blonde Doc; "Smart, Slender and Passionate;") one wonders why they would ever have a problem getting a date?
True, there don't appear to be any recently matriculated coeds in this group. Rather, the women appear to be of a "certain age." But that's okay, I'm of a "certain age" myself. In other words, my age is one of the few things about which I am certain.
Unlike those old Indy classifieds, no one here seems to have the slightest interest in merely hitting it and quitting it. Instead, these ad-placers seem to be looking for some serious long-term relationships.
A woman who lists herself as a "Mom of Yale Grad" describes herself as a, "Low maintenance, 53 year old CPA/Realtor (who) is equally entertained by dinner and a movie or a picnic at the park." And adds, "Additional social events considered if stilettos are not required."
Not sure if she's referring to shoes or knives.
Another advert where the lady claims to be "Too Good to Resist," proclaims herself to be a, "Great cook, great conversationalist, but not both at once unless you're up for mojitos in your coq au vin."
I agree. Rum in my cake is tres bien. Rum in my chicken is no bueno.
Then there is the "Spirited Woman" who is "looking for someone who can play and be serious, is physically active, in good health and financially secure, with one foot in tradition and the other in the new and the bold."
Okay, which one of us is going to tell her that Bill Clinton '73JD is already taken? More importantly, which one of us is going to break that news to Bill?
A 58 year old who bills herself as "fair-haired, slim and fit and stunning," asks potential applicants to, "Please be 5'8 (she is) or taller, 60 and up." And then cautions, "No Grobians nor Republicans need apply."
I have to confess, her use of the term "Grobian" sent me scurrying over to Wikipedia to look up its meaning where I learned it is, "an obscure word for any crude, sloppy, or buffoonish person."
I guess if one wants to keep the buffoons at bay, simply saying "no Republicans" won't suffice.
Grobians aside, I think it's safe to say she won't be hooking up with our own Frank Hotchkiss '64.
For what it's worth, I do agree with her about the no Republicans rule. After all, who ever heard of a good piece of elephant?
If any of these ads end up leading to marriage I hope I learn about it because I have an idea for a new reality series: "The Real Housewives of the Ivy League."
Speaking of Yale, on page 12 of that same issue of the magazine our own Lois Capps '64MAR, is listed among the 18 current members of Congress who hold a degree from Yale.
And no. I have absolutely no idea of whether or not she's among those who has placed an ad in the Yale alumni personals.
© 2011 by Craig Smith and www.craigsmithsblog.com