Monday, November 16, 2009

Van Wolfswinkel Takes A Curtain Call

Last week ended with me harassing a woman in a coffee shop. I thought I'd start this week off by turning back to a familiar subject, Texan Randall Van Wolfswinkel.

Late last week, every registered voter in town got a mailer signed by him that opened up by saying, "Dear Neighbor, Now that the election is over, I wanted to write and thank you."

And just in case anyone missed the mailer, he took out a full-page ad in the Independent with the same message.

"Dear Neighbor?" I don't know about you, but I have never run into Van Wolfswinkel at any local coffee shops yakking on his cell phone. That's because I've never run into him. I've never seen him around in the 93101 or the 93109 and nowhere in between. Not at the bank, not at the checkout line at the grocery store, or having a cold one at the bar at Joe's.

I doubt that he knows where the newest farmer's market in town is held or where the "Real Housewives of the Mesa" hang out.

He may be kicking back at Gilley's in Dallas, but seeing how I never get down that way, it's little wonder that I've never rubbed elbows or bumped fists with him.

If Van Wolfswinkel is looking to bolster his credibility, I'd advise him to start by cutting the "Dear Neighbor" crap.

Anyway, Van Wolfswinkel tells us that, "By electing two, new common sense council members, you have taken the first step to creating hope and change at City Hall."

And Randall, by sending out another 44,000 of these mailers, you've taken yet another step towards whacking down another forest full of trees.

I know, pulling out and declaring victory went out of fashion sometime after the end of the Vietnam War.

But, couldn't Van Wolfswinkel have just walked away and gone quietly into that good Texas night? Instead, he had to personally inform each and every one of us that he'll be back?

If Tex really intends to return, I'd be more impressed if instead of patronizing us for electing two people who probably would have been elected regardless of the nearly three-quarters of a million dollars he spent, he admitted that the negative campaign tactics that the Preserve Our Santa Barbara campaign engaged in, didn't work.

After all, in light of the fact that Measure B, which Van Wolfswinkel supported, got 11,000 signatures to put it on the ballot but only got a little over 10,000 votes as it failed to pass, I'd say he did a pretty good job of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

Of course, the defeat of Measure B doesn't get mentioned in the thank you mailer.

The last line of the mailer says, "So please stay turned, stay informed, and stay involved to Preserve Our Santa Barbara."

"Our" Santa Barbara?

Suddenly a trip down to Gilley's in Dallas sounds pretty good. At least there, the only bull you'll find is mechanical.

* * *

According to the New York Times, I'm not the only one who has lost patience with rude cell phone users.

Although a number of you sent me the link to The Times article, the first person to tell me about it was my son who lives in Connecticut.
© 2009 by Craig Smith and